Let the Violence Stop at Me!

Esteviani (30), mother of Chila (8) and Chira (3) were participants in the Parenting with Love (PDC) training conducted by religious leaders with Wahana Visi Indonesia (WVI) in Marawola District, Sigi Regency. Esteviani revealed that when she received material on how to build communication patterns with children and understand children's love language, she felt guilty because she remembered the things she had done to her children to discipline them.

“A few years ago, when Cila was five years old, I often scolded her. I used to yell at him in such a high-pitched voice that she finally burst into tears. I thought that she would be afraid of me as her parent and more obedient if I asked her to do something. When I saw her cry, I didn't feel guilty, on the contrary, I felt happy and thought I had done the right thing as a parent to educate their children well. I also think that if the children are wrong, we as parents should scold them. If not scolded, whipped, the children will be naughty. What I do know is that it is the parent's wish that the children must obey,” she recalled the incident.

Esteviani also said that she did the attitude was because she had also received the same thing from her father, and even harder than what she had done to the children.

“I remember how my dad whipped me with a stick because I was late coming home because I was playing with my friends. Papa whipped me with a stick until it left marks on my feet and hands. It feels very sore and the scars take time to disappear. Not only that, but I was also often scolded with harsh words," she recalled.

After gaining knowledge of the importance of nurturing with love for children, Esteviani slowly began to change her behavior. She realized that what she had done to her children was not right because it could pose a danger to children both mentally and physically.

“Now I have started to give my children space for them to talk, listen to their wishes, appreciate what they have done. I try to put into practice what I understand when following PDC. I also started apologizing when I made a mistake. I think our relationship between parents and children is more intimate and I am touched by my children where they also dare to say sorry if they are wrong and that are more expressive," she said.

Now Esteviani starts to speak loudly to convey to parents in her community that hitting children, whipping children, using harsh words to children is not appropriate. With implementing PDC, more parents in the village are starting to change their parenting patterns.

“That harsh upbringing was only for me. I don't want to do the same thing to my children!” she admitted.

Written by: Yahya Torokano, Staff of Area Program Sipado Wahana Visi Indonesia