Parenting with Love: Leaving Old Parenting Style Behind

So many research has proven that a harmonious relationship between parents and children influences the stability and success of the child in the future. WVI as an organization that focuses on children also has specific datas and measurements regarding the development of positive relationships between children and parents. In 2022, the data illustrates that only 4 out of 10 children or teenagers in Indonesia feel they have a positive and peaceful relationship with their parents or caregivers. Most children in Indonesia, especially in villages assisted by WVI, still feel like they live with parents who care without love, do not understand children's rights, or even resulting in violence against children. 

Kubu Raya Regency in West Kalimantan is an example of an area assisted by WVI that sees problems in parenting practices which underlie the lack of loving relationships between parents and children. At home, children often experience violent forms of discipline such as being pinched or hit. Parents also can easily say harsh words or being rude to their children. 

If it continues, this kind of parenting practices can become a threat of domestic violence against children. The chances of children experiencing violence will be greater because it occurs at home and the perpetrators are their parents. Therefore, WVI and the Yayasan Gerakan Peduli Borneo as partners, in collaboration with religious and cultural leaders in villages in Kubu Raya, are taking a role in overcoming this. WVI facilitates training on Parenting with Love (PDC) material for religious and cultural leaders. Once trained, these figures will transfer PDC materials to congregations or community groups in the village who act as parents. 

PDC material explains the concepts and practices of positive, peaceful and constructive childcare. Apart from sharing insights, PDC training also encourages the formation of family support groups (Parents Support Group/PSG). This group is a forum for parents to pour out their hearts, share good parenting practices, and heal personal bitterness that has been buried. 

“I was interested in one of the PDC materials which discussed how to control emotions. We are taught to recognize emotions so we can know how to control them. The material about love languages is also interesting. We come to know the love language of our husbands and children," said Yulita, a village cadre and housewife. Yulita took part in PDC training and then became a facilitator for PDC meetings in her village. As a mother of two children, Yulita also feels that PDC is very useful for her. Now, she can practice parenting that is in line with current developments. 

“I also see how parents in the village have started to change their parenting style. For example, being more willing to listen to children and not interrupting while in a conversation with children. This means that parents actively listen to their children. When children make mistakes, parents don't immediately judge them, but parents ask the child first," said Yulita. 

Endang, a PDC training participant in a different village from Yulita, felt the same positive changes. Endang, who also a mother, told how her child was surprised by the changes in parenting at home. "Once, my child asked me, 'Mama, why aren't you as angry as before?'. I answered, 'Yes, because Mama has learned'. I realized that my old parenting style was not appropriate and I wanted changes to occur in my family," she said. 

Through PDC materials, parents in Kubu Raya are called to carry out parenting and build communication that is more "heartfelt". Relationship restoration also occurs in every family that takes steps to end generations of inappropriate parenting patterns. Going further, parents, religious leaders and community leaders in Kubu Raya are also committed to end violence against children in the village. This commitment starts from home, school, church, and to the entire village. 

Author: Rini Ahni dan Sibedius Hardiyanto (Yayasan Gerakan Peduli Borneo staff, WVI’s partner in Kubu Raya) 

Editor: Mariana Kurniawati (Communication Executive)